We all are reluctant to feel or acknowledge any anger because of how we’ve been harmed by the anger of others, by punitive anger that lashes out or abandons or withholds. We don’t want to do to others what’s been done to us. But when we ignore our anger, we sabotage the opportunity to discover what tender feelings underlie the anger. Anger is a secondary emotion, and if we don’t access our anger, we cannot access the primary emotions that our anger is protecting, avoiding, or denying.
We physicians took the Hippocratic oath to “do no harm,” and this carries over in to how we manage our anger: In your anger, do no harm. I think of this slogan frequently because it’s also inspired by a Bible verse, Ephesians 4:26. If we hold ourselves accountable to not harm with our anger, we can safely explore it and get to what’s beneath it.
Physician, Get Healed 