The phenomenon of codependency is important to explore. To be codependent is to depend on another person in some way for my sense of well-being; for me to be content, the person must be or act a certain way or think like I do. My “being okay,” even thriving, depends on another person being _____ or doing ____. Two codependent people in a relationship with each other are depending on each other for peace. Codependency can look like controlling, scapegoating, enabling, people-pleasing, or martyrdom.
Codependent people are not taking sole responsibility for their own peace or contentment; they have an unhealthy focus on others that keeps them distracted from working on themselves and their feelings. We only have control, after all, over ourselves and not over any other person’s experience. Why not prioritize working on our own unhealthy perceptions or actions?
It’s a natural outworking of childhood to be codependent. We relied, or longed to rely, on our parents and others for a sense of well-being. We are naturally affected by others. But it’s a privilege of adulthood to take sole responsibility for our own peace without making it conditional on anyone else and how they’re doing. Ask yourself, What do I need to have a contentment that transcends the actions, attitude, and beliefs of other people in my world?
Physician, Get Healed 