An enmeshed family holds up a family identity of, “we all must think the same way.” One member who thinks or lives differently is treated punitively by the others. Unhealthy families don’t tolerate disagreement, separation, or individuation.
If a family is healthy, it allows for differentiation, and its identity is, “we love each other no matter what.” Love covers over a multitude of differences.
Disagreement and differentiation don’t wreck a family. In a dysfunctional family, disagreement is what brings on punitive treatment, and the emotional abuse tactics (scapegoating, etc.) are what wreck a family.
Physician, Get Healed 